


mother mother kinnies

by 404ISMISSING



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Marble Hornets
Genre: "brian is bestest boy", Breaking the Fourth Wall, College AU, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, M/M, Party, at least for now, basically it, he tried to bury me alive once, i read a book like this in like 2019, ig, ive got issues, no angst only crack, that's the plot, they act like normal college students, toby and jack are like me and mi amigo, wooo kahoot, yay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28576179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/404ISMISSING/pseuds/404ISMISSING
Summary: toby and jack are friends in college,jack is a stoner that wants to have the stereotypical college movie life. toby just wants to get out alive, jack is having none of that bullshit.Tim just wanted to drink his orange juice on the couch, Brian, the crackhead who prolly works at a gas station is also having none of that bullshit.because of that, Tim isn’t having any of jays bullshitthanks seth & alex ig
Relationships: Alex Kralie/Jay Merrick, Eyeless Jack/Brian Thomas | Hoody, Tobias Erin "Toby" Rogers | Ticci Toby/Timothy "Tim" Wright | Masky
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. poggers idea

**Author's Note:**

> *sighs*  
> kinda hate this kinda dont

"What do you mean im not allowed to stay home?" Toby asked, frowning a bit.  
"yes you bitch. you stayed home last week, do you know how depressing that is??" The other, Jack, asked. they had an...odd.. relationship.  
"Do you know how depressing it is for you to fail all your classes and not even date anyone?" Toby shot back, giving him a look behind his math homework, raising a brow. It was true, Jack had been single since Junior year in high school. But then again Toby had been single all his life, except in like third grade. but that didn’t count. that was kinda sad.

“That's different because, as your determined wing man I cannot be in a relationship until you're in a secure one," He said, acting proud  
"I dont think that's how it works Ja-“  
"shut, anyways, party at six, that film guy is having one. if youre not there i will personally hunt you down," Jack said, walking out the door.  
"We live in the same dorm you asshol-"  
"Six!!!" He cut him off, slamming the door. 

“asshole," he said, thinking Jack had left.  
"what?!"  
"Nothing i love you!"  
"Thank you!"  
"bitch."

___________

Tim, was exactly fifteen rooms down the hall from them, specific. yeah yeah, leave me alone. But college wasn't college without your nosy ginger friend coming to invade your love life and personal space. 

So Brian, being the great friend he is, had slapped his juice out of his hand. So now the two were looking at the floor as the orange liquid spread, fast. He didnt think that through okay um-

"You dropped my juice," Tim mumbled, breaking the silence  
"You're welcome,"  
"wh-"  
"So you know how you have been lonely and sad, whining to me how you dont have a boyfriend?" Brian said, cutting the other off  
"What makes you think im into guys?" Tim asked, picking the cup up.  
"It's obvious Timmy," He said, patting his shoulder and laying down dramatically on the couch next to him, almost on him. "what-"  
"shush timothy let me finish"  
"what kind of drugs are you on today?" He sighed, sadly use to this. he wanted to be paired with a sane roommate.  
"that hurts- Anyways Alex kralie-" He made two circles with his fingers and put them on his eyes to symbolize his glasses, like he'd remember him that way, which he did.  
"glasses, film student?" he asked, going to the kitchen for a rag. in a bag. to clean the juice brian had spilled.  
"Yeah! Anyways he told me about this poggers party that he’s having,"  
"Please stop saying poggers-" Tim sighed, not liking the word like some o t h e r people. not poggers by the way.  
"no you white bitch, anyways Alex is having a party and he kindly invited us.“

In the distance you could hear a door slam and someone yell "Six!!" Brian went to speak but was cut off by the person again, "what?!"  
"Nothing i love you!" spoke a different voice, more muffled.  
"Thank you!" Brian waited so he wouldnt be rudely interrupted by them again.

Tim gave him a confused look, and Brian shrugged, “Not them, dont recognize them- anyways you’re coming with me cause you’re very very sad and single.”  
“what does that have to do with anything??” Tim asked, “We have to get you a novio!” Brian said, frowning, and slipping into a terrible spanish accent.  
“Please stop speaking spanish-“ Tim sighed, “Come to the party and i will!”  
“fine!” He agreed, surprisingly, “But! i’m bringing a friend i met,”  
“Oooh? and who is this boyfriend of yours?”  
“not everyone i talk to is my boyfriend brian-“ he sighed. now to convince jay.

___________  
“no.” The odd hat wearing film student said, plainly. “You’re the only other person i know- cause of Brian i guess- but i don’t wanna be alone!” Tim said, nearly begging.  
Jay shook his head, this wasn’t even canonically possible! “And you might bail on me, again.”  
“I was possibly high and had a seizure after-“  
“It still hurt at the moment.” He said, defending his case. “That boy you were talking about is hosting the party- what’s his name um-“  
“Alex” Jay responded, typing away on his computer. “That! glasses man! brian said he’s hosting it c’mooon. Brian’s friends with him he’ll work his dumb magic boom dating! and not only that he’ll stop harassing me if you come.”  
“So you’re sacrificing me?”  
“sorta. if you do this for me i will personally drive you to dairy queen and get you as many as chocolate milkshakes as you want.”  
Jay frowned, he was not making him choose between those two. 

He never really spoke to Brian that much, and being friends with Tim was only cause he forced them to talk to each other. so he didn’t know what “working his dumb magic” meant. it could be awkward and uncomfortable, making Alex mostly hate him. but then again. milkshakes.  
“fine, whatever, but we have to be back before ten. i still have shit to do.”

meanwhile with alex and seth, seth was trying to hang up a weed mistletoe,  
“you have an addiction seth!”  
“i caN STOP WHEN I WAAANT”


	2. brownies go brrr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh college party with the guys and not really they's but i need this rhyme yw yw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I THOUGHT THIS CHAPTER DELETED BUT IT DIDNT WHOOP WHOOP

Once getting to Seth's house, which was twenty minutes away, Toby literally had to be pulled from the passenger seat and be dragged to the front door. 

The only reason he agreed was because he thought Jack would forget, he didn't actually think he'd be dragged to a, most likely sorority party, at eight pm. when at exactly eight o five Jack would leave him to- well who knows what jack did. their were pretty girls, pretty guys, pretty theys. didnt he like that one girl? whats her face uhhh- jenny! 

Once the front door opened he could smell cheap booze and weed, and brownies. He mentally frowned since they probably had weed, someone had to keep Jack alive sadly. Once Jack had a short greeting conversation with a guy that was holding a weed mistletoe and another which had glasses, they both began walking who knows where.

"you better not leave me dummy, i didnt even wanna come here." Toby said, Jack threw an arm over him, pulling him close. He already smelt like weed, "Me??? Leave you?? No, no, twitches, my good old friend-"  
"dont call me that,"  
"we are going to get you laid," Jack finished, covering Toby's mouth so he wouldn't interrupt him again.  
"You are a terrible wing man." the other mumbled under his hand Jack only shushed him again. 

so after getting something to drink and they sat down on the velvet couch, and at exactly eight o six Toby sent Jack a text

Toaster: frick you

Dummy: lol yw

Jack had left him, a g a i n. Now Toby was sitting down, awkwardly, on that red velvet couch. he drank bottled water since it was the only thing he trusted to drink. Jack, earlier, would slap anything he had to drink and eat, probably in hopes he'd eat the dumb weed brownies and whatever alcoholic drink they had here. his plan failed and he had found a bag of chips, which he had already eaten, and a bottle of water in the back of Jack's car. and now they had to buy more cups since Jack broke four of them. 

Toby was waiting for Jack to get tired and want to leave, someone had almost vomited on him and everywhere he turned people were doing- not so pure things. 

he made the mistake of thinking having thirty percent before leaving the house was okay, because now his phone was clinging onto the five percent, meaning it would die soon. 

he huffed and waited, more hoping, for someone to save him from the awkwardness hole he dug himself into.

Outside of the house stood three other guys, well two, the third one was practically being dragged to the front door, like Toby had earlier. "Jay i literally do not care that you change your mind, i'm getting you m i l k s h a k e s." Tim said, as if milkshakes were the most rare thing in the world. "i changed my mind- you guys are kidnapping- this is- this is jaynapping!" Jay yelled. but the parking lot, which was a park across from Alex's house, was empty as it should be at eight thirty pm. 

"Youre only gonna be here for an hour and a half! cmoon dont be lame like Timmyyy" Brian huffed, to which Tim flicked his forehead. Once the two were able to drag him to the front door Sarah and Jessica greeted them, fortunately for Jays sake. 

Once inside, the door was closed and crowded with people, making it hard to leave. Jay huffed and before he could complain he was being dragged away by Brian to obviously Alex so he could "work his magic"

That meant Tim was left alone, he had gotten a brownie though since he had nothing better to do. He also stole grapes from Alex fridge cause he was a pp to him earlier. grosero.

Most of the seats were being occupied by- totally pure things, until he found a velvet couch that only a pretty awkward, one or both take it or leave it, was sitting on looking like he was regretting all life decisions. Having no where else to sit down at he sighed, going over and making a mental note to slap Brian. "this seat taken?" He asked, ah yes two awkward guys being forced to a party by their roommate, bonding. romantic, cue the anime hearts and sound affects rebbeca.

Toby looked up from his half empty water bottle and looked at him, he sorta recognized him but didnt know from where, "uh- no not really," He said, shaking his head and moving more to the side to give space, as if he wasnt already practically pushed into the side of the couch. 

in the background was Jack, talking to mistletoe weed guy, he was looking around and found his best good old pal that was gonna kill him when they get back, Toby. Once he looked at him he couldnt believe his eyes, his roommate was talking?? interacting and making social contact with a r e a l b o y?? obviously the two havent had the t a l k but it was pretty obvious that the poor twitching boy was a bi disaster like the person writing this. so pushing mistletoe weed guy into sarah, jessica, and amy the fuming lesbians and bi disaster part 2. he walked over to the gays™, they only exchanged a few words, were their dorm was and a english class they shared, not to forget their roommate who was soooo interested in their love and social life, "tobyyy, toaster, twitches, baBY" Jack yelled, throwing himself on Toby, who immediately kicked him off. 

Jack turned to Tim who was sitting there kinda awkwardly and watching their whole interaction. "hey, sideburns dude, you mind if i borrow my adorable roommate here??" Jack asked, standing Toby up and pulling him into a hug to which Toby elbowed him. Before Tim, or sideburns dude, could respond Jack stole toby and threw him in the nearest room, which was dusty, "So?! When's your second date, when's your wedding?!" He gasped loudly and slapped Toby arm, "Are you naming youre child sideburns jr?!?!" He asked, hugging Toby again, "My babi boi is getting marriiiied" Jack cried, no he actually cried frick was he wasted. "jack this isnt a wattpad fanfiction, yet anyways, but we barley had a conversation." He said, standing the other up and flicking his forehead, close to his eyelid. "ow! youre gonna blind me," hah get it? no? k fine i'll stop, youre no fun. 

So Jack let Toby go back to his awkward conversation with his awkward novio, while he listened in the background, until he got bored which was only a minute later. he had the shortest attention span when high. And now onto the other gays. 

Jay was being dragged around the by Brian, telling him that he was okay being single to which Brian responded, "quiet peasant." So now the two were next Alex as he cheered on Seth on a poor game of beer pong. they were on a budget here okay?

Alex was telling Brian about his poggers idea that he had for a movie he was determined to actually film and finish. The poor four eyes had a habit of abandoning projects, hobbies and interests out of the blue, jeez talk about commitment issues. insert a laugh here for foreshadowing.

"So whatcha got so far four eyes??" Brian asked, to which Alex laughed, "hah um good question- nothing." he coughed, drinking more poison- or sorry b e e r. in a red solo cup you see in movies. "hah! what grammarly to expensive for your cheap ass??" to which Alex nervously sipped the colored water again, "hah! heeeeyyy i happen to know a very good script supervisor that would be happy to help!" Brian said nodding, Jay turned to him confused, "do you??"  
"trust the process jay jay," He then basically pushed Jay into alex, almost spilling both their drinks, "jay here, finished his work the day it's assigned and doesnt rush for notes last minute like you."  
"I thought you were helping me not harassing me," Alex frowned  
"Gesundheit,"  
"do you even know what that means-"

"sETH back me up here will you??" Brian huffed and Seth plopped next to him, continuing to crush a grape into an empty juul. "Is that my juul?-"  
"i came here for a good time not for you to harass me for your addiction," Seth said plainly as he kept doing what he was. "Fair enough, when was the last time my good bi disaster friend here dated?"  
"which one?? the hat guy or four eyes??" He asked, not looking up. Before the two could protest Brian shushed them, "there's no time for your denial, love needs to happen, and this is no wattpad fanfiction!" He said, to which they sighed and let Brian be high, he went to say something but got distracted, "Where's my juul?!"  
I do not condone vaping ples dont sue me im too poor to afford another lawsuit.

Back with Toby and Tim they were able to have small conversations here and there, mostly how they both had crackhead roommates who were so single they were obsessed with their social and love life."im pretty sure jack and brian share the same brain cell," Tim laughed after he saw Jack running around with a dollar store blonde wig that was stale with hard gel, messy, and tangled while he sung I wanna dance with somebody by Whitney Huston. "Probably, they'd be perfect for each other," Toby added on, watching Jack run up and down stairs. that idiot was gonna fall and get a concussion. 

Tim got up after a bit, it was ten after- uh ten- and he had a stupid math test he had to study for. "you leaving??" The other asked, finishing the last of his water."yeah, i still owe someone a life time supply of milkshakes and im pretty sure Brian is passed out with a full face of drugstore makeup on." He sighed, as if that always happened. Before either could say anything Jack came rushing down, "hey sideburns, im gonna need to steal twitches permanently-" again, before they could ask Jack threw up on a abandoned purse. in the distance you could hear "jack nichols im gonna fucking kill and sacrifice you to a demon!!"  
"Ah shIT its the witch, say bye to your boyfriend twitches, cool good, everyone good? Poggers lets skedaddle!" he grabbed Toby's hand and began to ran away as a girl began to come downstairs, trying to chase them but they already made it to Jacks car and began to drive while Drive by Rihanna blasted loudly, haha get it?? 

Tim just kinda stood there confused, "what the fu-"  
"timmy tee have you seen my jUUL?!?"


	3. lyra didnt die cause she's swag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> calling your older sister cause your roommate who almost got sacrificed is hung over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im sick hry?   
> uh this isnt edited at all i just wrote & posted so maybe spelling/ grammar mistake yw yw

Toby woke up feeling calm and relaxed, he didnt have any bad dreams, didn't fall off the bed at three a.m (which happened a lot,) and didnt wake up hungover or smelling like weed, with any cheap lipstick on his lips. 

Unlike Jack, who booked it to the restroom at eight am, like in any basic wattpad fanfic. Toby though was nice enough to get him two painkillers and some water. he then later laughed at him, and made fun of his james charles lipstick.

As Jack was in bed, a blanket over him as he cried about hating his existence, like the writer did this morning cause s i c k, Toby was in his bed finishing his dumb math homework that Jack almost ate the day before for some reason. Until a familiar ringtone rang, Jack sat up pointing at Toby's small drawer where his phone blasted the song WAP. "It's Lyra!" His phone originally had the basic ringtone, but Jack said it was boring so when he was in the shower he was able to change Lyra's to WAP, his to Deep throat, and his mom's to the nyan cat theme song.

he hit him with multiple spatulas when he found out, how did he find out? Before Toby left for his math class Jack put his phone on full volume without the other noticing. he then did him the grand favor of c a l l i n g h i m, the minute class ended. meaning? That the singer was very much yelling "H u m p m e , f u-" you get the picture. 

Anyways, Toby grabbed his phone and the girl on the line answered, "Toby, my favorite brother,"  
"lyra im youre only brother."  
"yeah yeah, you looove me,"  
"Sadly," He sighed,  
"Anyways, whatcha been up to??" Lyra was also in college but she decided she would study in good ol' far away, Harvard, meaning they havent seen each other in a few months. so they often called each other to make sure they weren't dead, "yunno, trying to survive living with Jack, doing math homework-"  
"He got laid!" Jack yelled under the blanket,  
"I did not- go back to being hung over you dummy!" Toby shouted at him,  
"You got HUH?" Lyra asked, obviously surprised. Toby went from zero, not even talking to anybody, to a h u n d r e d, literally f u c- well the other way around, she didnt think the first was one was possible.   
"I didnt! stupid Jack dragged me to this stupid party last night and i only TALKED to a guy there," He said, mostly yelling at Jack.   
"Hey, im not stupid!" Jack frowned.   
"my baby got a BOYFRIEND?!" Lyra shouted from the phone.  
"Okay! Why do you two assume i like guys?!"  
"Toby, honey, youre obviously a bi disaster baby." Jack said, standing up and flopping on Toby's bed  
"yeah, i lived with you for all of your life and i saw the way you looked at Jack in Titanic."  
"okay can you blame me?!" Toby asked, which honestly who could, Rose and Jack were h o t.  
"Bi disaster!" Jack yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him  
"Shut up jack!" Toby yelled, throwing a pillow at him.

and with the poor pansexual, mi hijo and kin, a l e x k r a l i e. He was currently also in bed hating himself. He was in his own dorm which was shared with Seth, thankfully his dog wasnt allowed on campus though. "Seth, im so thankful youre fricking rich i would not be able to clean that mess."  
"Yeah, i kinda feel bad because it's a really big mess," Seth replied on his own bed. After Jack and Toby left Jenny threw a tantrum cause her sacrifice had left, whatever that meant. they all just thought she was wasted. thankfully none of them had class on sunday so they were saved.

"hey what'd you think of hat guy??" Seth asked, sitting up and taking out Brian's other juul he stole. "Hat guy??" Alex asked, confused, he stayed laying down though. "That- um- that guy Brian said was a good script supervisor" Seth said  
"oh, him? dont know never got his name," Which was true, Jessica had stolen him before he could talk to him. Trying to convince him to try w e e d. dont do drugs k i d s. "seems alright though, pretty de-" Before he could finish Seth cut him off  
"Oh so you think he's p r e t t y ?"  
"You didnt let me finish-"  
"I knew you weren't straight,"  
"well not fully," Alex shrugged  
"Ah, so im right?!"  
"go fucc your weed mistletoe will you??" Alex grumbled. The gays having a gay mental break down. fun. well pan ig. 

Back to Toby and Jack because plot i guess and so this chapter can match the title, they had moved from Toby's phone on call to Jacks computer on face time. Lyra looked mostly the same, nice blonde hair pulled into a ponytail with her harvard sweater. Jack looked like a mess though so they were mostly making fun of him.

for background info so i dont explain later cause u g h, the two still had gotten in the same car accident *coughs in remember this later with shibs gets serious* but both were able to survive, Lyra did have to go to some physical therapy since she had trouble walking and a few surgeries. they were both doing better though. They were both supposed to go to therapy but Toby hadnt been going. they dont really think about it much, because of that no one but their mom knows about it.

They talked about people in Harvard mostly, who was dating who, who had what, who d i d (you see in movies) who and who Lyra found interesting. Much like Toby and Jack (yeah him too), Lyra was also a bi disaster. So naturally Toby talked about Sarah who was in some in his math class. "So enough about the third gay in the room, you two need a boyfriend, Jack i trust you get my baby with the sideburns guy," She said to which Jack nodded eagerly,  
"Toby you find Jack someone who's just as a crackhead like him," She added on   
"i dont know if i should be offended or not." Jack huffed.   
"anyways ya gurls got a hot date with math class so see ya losers," They all said their goodbyes before they hung up.  
"as if you can find someone as crackhead as me," Jack laughed acting- s o proud of it  
"actually i know someone," He nodded. 

As the day went on Jack decided to go buy some food since the two didnt want to cook. Toby because he would burn the place down and Jack because he would burn himself. Toby was on his way to help Jack since he had texted him, so he walked fifteen rooms down before Jack called him. his dumb phone was on high volume so he rushed to turn it off as the lyrics were shouted, "h u m p m e , f u c C m e d a d-" he managed to hang up and looked up to see Jack laughing at him, "I really hate you."


	4. 7-11 with the gays cue the heathers music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gays go to 7-11 and accidentally see each other there cause i thrive to make their lives awkward like mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im alive  
> this is based off a dream i had

Tim, Jay, and Brian were entering a 7-11, starting with them cause Toby and Jack are tired of starting off, Tim and Jay didn't know why they were here. Brian just dragged them here and told them to buy a l o t of things. so they each had handful of snacks. they were giving them to the cashier, who wanted to throw himself off the building, to ring up. While the poor cashier suffered and tried to figure out a way to tell his boss he needs a raise or peace out Tim and Jay were questioning Brian. "whaaaaaaaaat??"  
"what do you mean "whaaaaaaaaaaat"?? We've been asking you what we're doing for this past hour!" Tim said, yeah they were in the car and 7-11 for an hour blah blah. "Yeah, mind telling us what's going on??" Jay added on. "alright bi disaster and gay™"  
"how the fucc did he speak in font??"  
"idk man dont ask me,"  
"shUsh, i'm t a l k i n g. Anyways, Jessica is having a party with Amy," Brian explained,  
"Aren't they dating??" Tim asked, to which Brian nodded, i told you. the plot is gay.  
"And they messaged me saying that they will get me b r o w n i e s, if yk yk, if i bought the snacks. i'm paying with their credit card though so win win," He shrugged, already paying. "Another party??" Jay complained to which Brian nodded.  
"yeah! Nothing happened between you and Alex and Timmy didn't get a boyfriend so until both happen expect a l o t of parties in your future." He said. Both groaned in response. 

then the door ringed, motioning someone had come in, the three didnt pay attention. until Tim remembered their voices. "No Jack that is not an excuse for cult sacrifici-" The voice was cut off by a ringtone, "hUMP ME FU-"  
"JACK- i will call the witch girl, stop fucking calling me-"  
"Fine fine! Let's just get the slurpees and monsters and go, the marathon of scary movies is calling my name," Jack said, laughing and reaching for a monster. 

That's when Brian had suddenly remembered, "wait we need a soda! come with me tim-" Before he could tell him no and to suck a pp he was dragged to the freezer which was, thank the writer, right next to the two. it took Jack about twenty seconds before shouting "Oh my gosh twitches it's your boyfriend!!" Jack yelled pointing at Tim  
"god i fucking hate you," Toby muttered, once he saw Tim.  
"Boyfriend?? Timmy! You never told me about him!" Brian frowned

"Ouch!" Jack yelled, covering Toby's ears while the other pushed him off  
"I met him at the party when you and jay abounded me, where we planned your's and his roommate weeding," 

"humma?"  
"You both are crackheads that thrive to make our lives like a wattpad fanfic," Toby explained  
"First of all im not a crackhead like this crackhead," Jack pointed at brian, "i am a wing man," he finished  
"wait- what's that supposed to mean?!"

"guys can you please leave it's like twelve am and im fuccing hungry." The cashier said, cutting off their argument. the four went up to the cashier, Jay had already payed most of it and was eating a stale cookie. After they payed for everything the three shoved everything in the car. 

"hey Tim dont we know that guy??" Jay asked, pointing at Toby who was paying for two slurpees while Jack talked about a cult sacrifice. "You told Jay and not me!" Brian said offended, "que?"  
"No Brian i didnt- He goes to our English class remember?" And Jay nodded making quiet "ohhhhhh" sound.

The two in the 7-11 got out and Toby pulled Jack forward before he decided to make social interaction with Jay, Brian and Tim. They were pretty far away from them but the three could still hear their conversation. "This girl in my medically class said she's throwing a party," Jack said, slurping his uhh slurpee. "Amy?" Toby asked, doing the same and Jack nodded, "cool when?"

Brian turned to Tim and he sighed in "god dammit this party's gonna be miserable" before getting in the car as Brian drove back to the building with Starships by Nicki Minaj played ear deafening loudly.

_______

About three hours later Jack was walking outside to meet his sister since she was in town for a dumb trip her school made her take. the two weren't exactly "the best siblings" and often fought but she had brought him a book and some food to make up for their last argument. But before he could pass the fifteen room someone else came out, literally slamming the door on his face, "ow!" he yelled, holding his nose which was now bleeding, "oh shit sorr- oh it's the wingman crackhead," If it wasnt obvious, Brian said. still a bit offended of what he said. "yeah you got your payback. by possibly breaking my nose!"  
"sorry- i didnt know you were there!"  
"it's fine- you owe my roommate a date though" Jack replied, listen it was fair payback and he had single roommate w h o m he loved to make suffer. "can it be tim?"  
"good enough."  
"Poggers!" He took out his phone and went to say something but Jack snatched it,tapped and typed before handing it back to him. "and noow you have my number, for crackhead wing man purposes." Jack said, oh s o proud of himself  
"you literally put your contact name as crackhead wing man purposes."   
"yw."  
"hey you speak in abbreviations too!"  
"Yeah!"

it was silent for a while, two crackhead wing man thriving to make their roommates love life a wattpad fanfic, bonding. "oh do you want paper youre bleeding on the floor-"  
"yeah id like that very much-"


	5. tumblr quotes cause im domb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gays being dumb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats bappin

"what the fucc are we doing here?" Jay asked, he was on Brians bed, a blue notebook on his face, covering his eyes. the top half of his body hanging off. Brian was laying on the floor, a red notebook on his face. The two were originally there to study for a math test. Then the c o o k i e s. too hard to resist. so the two were stoned out of their mind. Jay had said a bunch of things that made Brian cry earlier and now the two were just sorta l o s t. laughing a lot too. haha idiots. "how- how do you say tortilla in spanish??" Brian asked, removing the red note book and looking at Jay, watching the blue one on his face slip. "arent you- like supposed to be d e a d? arent i supposed to be d e a d?"  
"jay, i t o l d you, this is an au where noooone of that happens."  
"ahhh right, i have the - uhhhhh- third eye!"  
"sure." 

Then Tim came home, "what the fuck?"  
"Timmy tee! Tell this man, ham is not gross or m o i s t." Brian said, on the verge of tears,  
"i thought we were over this bri!"  
"oh cry me a table dead boy! YoU died f i r s t. dISGUSTING."  
"I DIDN-"  
"SHAAAAAAAAAAME."

Tim sighed at his crying roommate and his friend attacking said roommate with a pool noddle. "Jay please stop harassing Brian-"  
"nO He didnt pUT THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER."

"i dont even want to know what that means." Tim muttered, going to take away the pool noodle. 

half an hour later the two high idiots were in Tim's bed, laughing like idiots. Brian's phone went off earlier and the contact read "wing man crackhead purposes" but decided he'll ask him later since he wouldve threatened him with a brick again, whatever that meant. "mY LONELINESS ISS KILLInG ME AND IIII" Jay started, which startled and confused poor Timmy tee  
"I MUST CONFESS I STILL BELIEVE" and now they were singing Brittney spears. Greaaat.  
"STILL BELIEEEVE"  
"JENNY DAR-"   
"WRONG SONG YOU IDIOT." hat boy yelled at him, flicking his hair.   
"WELL MAYBE I WANNA SING THAT SO N G." Brian yelled back  
"go back to laughi-" Tim began but was cut off by Jay  
"IM THROWING YOU OUT THE WINDOW AGAIN."  
"AGA- THIS IS A TWO STORY BUILDIN- WAIT J A Y N O." Tim yelled, while the other tried to push Brian out the window while he screamed "yOULL NEVER TAKE MEEE ALIVE"

cut to two hours later the two were now sitting on the floor drinking a juice box. Brian wrapped with towels since he was soaking wet with p o o l water. Jay, was tied with rope, so Tim had to hold up his juice box. The original plan was zip ties but when he got them out Jay began to scream "not again" while Brian laughed at him. "Timmy tee," Brian said, looking at him while chewing on his straw  
"yes, Dumb?" Tim replied, minor fact i left out, whoopsies, Tim had wrote on their foreheads "dumb" and "dumber" which fit them greatly.   
"do you think i can fit twenty marshmallows in my mouth??" he tried to hold up twenty fingers but when he only saw ten he began to cry.   
"youre a hazard to society," Tim sighed, wanting sleep.  
"and a coward. do forty!"  
"jay d o n t encourage him. and you arent allowed to speak yet!"  
"but he disrespected the song, and made fun of me for dying!" he complained, drinking more juice.   
"you guys are gonna kill me."  
"no! You live!"  
"How come H E liVES?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh most of this deleted cause i panicked and closed my browser cause my history teacher could see my screen-


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